“One of the best means for arousing the wish to work on yourself is to realise that you may die at any moment.” Gurdijeff.
When I came across this quote this morning, it really struck me. I’m not one who likes to dwell on the potential negative of a situation, or if I’m really truthful, to think about my life ending, however I am interested in living truthfully and the truth of life is that we will die. And that we don’t know when! So, it got me thinking, if I was to die at any moment, would I wish I’d worked on anything about myself, and if so, what would that be? I guess being open to others would come up for me. Trusting a little more and suspecting a little less. Not being afraid to let things go, knowing that it was for the best. Being able to let things fall apart, knowing that I will still be okay. Not needing to feel like I have to ‘keep it all together’.
And I recognise that managing a small business really puts being vulnerable like this to the test. What also comes up for me is going more gently on myself. I’m a pretty independent person, who has often struggled and forged ahead, paving a different way, sometimes at the cost of my own well being. Being more gentle on myself creates a feeling of relief. It allows me to soften into my own heart, and to be there more authentically for others, without needing to feel responsible. Interestingly, as I write this blog, it feels really nice to get in touch with such truthful stuff. I don’t mean to sound melancholy, but if I did die, you know what, I would do so with a happy smile in my heart. Knowing that I gave life ‘my all’. And knowing that in essence, in spirit, we never actually die.
